


how have you been? i missed you

by sleeplessthrills



Series: coming home [1]
Category: GOT7, Miss A
Genre: F/M, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22147918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplessthrills/pseuds/sleeplessthrills
Summary: Bae Suzy and Park Jinyoung are two distinct opposites who once found their way to one another. Six years later, New York City brought them back.
Relationships: Bae Suji | Suzy/Park Jinyoung (GOT7)
Series: coming home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608538
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Initially inspired by NIKI's La La Lost You but it turned into something completely different. Oh well.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does someone just completely embody a city? She didn’t understand it then and still doesn’t understand it now. Park Jinyoung is just distinctly New York.

She couldn’t help but chuckle at the universe’s machinations. In a city with a population of over 8 million people and over a dozen law schools (15, to be exact - she had Googled it on her way to the airport yesterday),  of course she would run into  _ him _ at this party.

She tightened her hold of Seunggi’s arm who was in the middle of doing that exaggerated, Korean catch-up-thing at the door where they half yell at each other in glee. He mistook it for attention and he moved to place his hand on the small of her back, “This is Wooshik, my crazy roommate in Toronto who is somehow cool enough to be engaged with a lawyer. And this…” Seunggi turned towards her with a wide smile that made her chest all warm and gooey with happiness, “...this is my girlfriend, Suzy.” She leaned forward to give Wooshik a polite hug. She’s heard a lot about the guy and he seems much tamer than her boyfriend made him seem. “Thanks for coming,” Wooshik said to both of them, “I know taking time off work must be difficult.”

“What are you saying? It’s my duty as your best man to be at your engagement party,” Seunggi slapped him playfully on the shoulder before continuing to chat, leaving Suzy to look around the high ceiling apartment that must be costing a fortune to rent. She almost whistles wistfully aloud. She’s always wanted to live in a brownstone but could never find one in LA (not that she’d have enough money to rent one anyway). She’s also looking around to see if she can spot him again. A part of her hopes that she wouldn’t see him and that she had just been seeing things, but the other hopes that she’d find him in a corner somewhere, standing in a navy blue sweater with the collars of his white shirt peeking out, nursing a glass of gin and tonic or maybe whiskey in one hand. When she didn’t spot him, she turned to join the conversation, breathing a sigh of relief and finding herself relax, as she enjoyed the various hors d'oeuvres floated around by waitresses in fancy suits.

She was in the middle of an exciting story of how Wooshik’s first encounter with a New York City rat at the subway (Huiryung, his fiancee, rolled her eyes and said that it was just a mice, which made Wooshik’s eyes bulge even bigger with indignation that no it was a giant rat) when she heard his voice - that familiar voice that she knew oh so well.

“Sunbaenim,” his tone unfailingly polite, “I’m going to head back. We have a test tomorrow,” she could hear the wince in his voice without having to look but she did anyway.

“Suzy?” the shock in his voice is palpable.

“Hi…” she said a little too quietly before continuing, now aware of the attention that’s on her from everyone in this conversation, “This is Jinyoung. We went to high school together.” She hoped her the shakiness in her voice is just in her imagination.

“Oh? I know you lived in the West Coast before moving out here but who knew that the West Coast is that small,” Huiryung said. Turning to Seunggi and Suzy, she explained, “Jinyoung is a summer intern at my firm. The  _ best  _ intern,” which was met with a shy chuckle from Jinyoung. The introductions continued around their little circle and Suzy took that time to take note that he was not wearing a sweater - just a plain white button-down and slacks.

“I know there’s not a lot of heavy food here, but did you get enough booze?” Wooshik asked. Jinyoung chuckled again and grinned while shaking his head, “Definitely. I drank more than I should, considering I still have to study.”

“Still studious as ever, huh?” Suzy’s remarked with a slight smile. “I guess so,” Jinyoung nodded, a similar smile on his lips. A beat passed before he cleared his throat and said his goodbye, leaving Suzy a little wistful and nostalgic. 

They were fourteen when they first met and they were fifteen when they started dating. It was utterly unremarkable as far as love stories go. They met, they flirted, they fell in love, and they spent the next two years together.

Their dates initially consisted of study dates at various places. She was fine with this and found it quite cute. Her grades definitely benefited from it as well. In turn, he would also go to the occasional parties with her. But things started to really go sour between them when he spent more and more time studying and volunteering at various places to boost his application. She couldn’t fault him for doing any of that, but she felt left out - left behind. All her friends seemed to have figured out what they want to do and where they want to be, while her future looked like a blob of uncertainty. Suzy always knew that she wasn’t Ivy League material; she gets Bs in her classes and that was fine with her (and her parents, thankfully). But this runs in contrast to Jinyoung whose safety school was Columbia Law (Harvard was, of course, his first choice). He knew exactly what he wanted while Suzy spent most of her Junior year flailing about, not really sure what she’s going to major in in college. Jinyoung tried his absolute best to be with her in every spare second that he had, but at some point, he had to choose between his studies and her. They were heading in different directions and it was becoming more and more apparent.

So at the end of junior year, they broke up.

Suzy didn’t remember ever crying as much as she did that summer. But by the time graduation rolled around, they exchanged polite goodbyes and sincerely wished each other luck. He told her that he’s going to Columbia’s Pre-Law and when he told her that he’ll be moving to New York City for some summer classes (trust Park Jinyoung to be eager to start his long and harrowing journey into law school  _ early _ ), she gave him a genuine smile because she could immediately picture him walking the dark alleys of the city with neon lights illuminating his path and the sound of horns blaring from a distance. How does someone just completely  _ embody  _ a city? She didn’t understand it then and still doesn’t understand it now.

So when she ran into him again at Wooshik and Huiryung’s wedding six months later at a garden in upstate New York, she couldn’t help but ask, “Do you miss LA?”

She knew that he went home for the holidays like the good son that he is. Their parents go to the same Korean church in Rancho Cucamonga and she went there almost every Sunday at the insistence of her mom (and because she loves the snacks that the ahjummas bring for the after-church coffee sessions). So they’d give her bits and pieces of information about Jinyoung - how he graduated top of his class and is continuing straight to law school in Columbia, how he got a minor injury from playing basketball (she remembered that he was always in good shape from running but he was truly hopeless at team sports involving balls of any kind), how someone stole his bike…

Throughout all the updates, Suzy found herself just politely nodding along. It was nice to know that he was doing alright and that some part of him was still the same familiar Jinyoung that she knew in high school - the same familiar Jinyoung that she loved. But looking at the man in front of her now with his hair styled in a tousled side part (gone was the adorable Justin Bieber bangs he sported in high school) and a crisp black suit, he looked like a completely different person.

“Sometimes,” he answered, “I miss having space.” Suzy gave an exaggerated gasp, “You mean not all New Yorkers live in a fancy brownstone like our happy couple?” He laughed, “I wish. I cannot wait to graduate, sell my soul to a firm, and be able to not live in a studio.”

“How many more years do you have to go?” she asked. His voice sounded tired when he said, “This is only the start of my first year.”

“So you have eternity and a half until your dream of not living in a studio.”

He chuckled before looking up at the clear winter sky, “Don’t even joke about that. This semester has felt like two eternities in one.”

“You should’ve stayed in LA. The sun would’ve helped,” the words escaped her lips before she could stop it. Thankfully, Jinyoung just laughed, “You’re right. LA would’ve been more comfortable. Or at least those Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups frosties would’ve really helped,” referring to the frozen custard sold at the local drive-in theatre.

“That drive-inn closed a few years ago,” she informed him and his eyes widened in genuine shock, “What?”

She nodded solemnly. It wasn’t far from their high school and it was a hangout spot for so many people in the area. “It was sad. At the last showing and there were cars parked across the street. I’m pretty you can’t see anything from that far away,” she explained sadly.

“Did you go?” he asked and she answered quickly, “Of course! I had to.”

“What did they show?” he slipped his hands into his pockets after abandoning the wine glass on a nearby table.

“ _ Alien _ .”

Jinyoung winced, “You must’ve hated that.”

“Every single second of it,” she nodded, “They did a poll at the newspaper for it and people, for some ungodly reason, chose that awful, awful movie.” She still shudders at the number of times she hid behind the blanket and covered her ears. Suspenseful movies are really not her favorite.

He laughed, “At least they didn’t do an  _ Aliens _ marathon.”

Now it was her turn to wince, “I can’t believe there are more than one of those movies.”

“Hey. Lots of people love it,” he retorted.

“Yeah well… lots of people hate pineapples of pizza and they are all incredibly wrong. So you’ll need a better argument than that, Mr. Lawyer,” she replied, completely aware of the flirtiness of her tone but unable to stop herself.

This easiness between them was comforting but it was scary at the same time.

“So you and Seunggi huh?” he asked a while later when they were standing by the mini macarons (“It’s already so tiny! Why would you make one of life’s greatest treasures even tinier? It’s like asking puppies to be even smaller; it’s already cute! Leave it be!” she ranted earlier, making him laugh).

Suzy’s eyes automatically searched for the guy in question who she quickly found on the side of the stage, chatting animatedly with his friends. To Jinyoung, she said, “Yeah… we met at my dad’s company’s Christmas party last year.”

Jinyoung nodded, eyes on Seunggi who is now laughing at something Wooshik said. “He seems nice,” Jinyoung said.

She turned to him and nodded, “He is. He… he treats me really well.”

“I’m glad,” he said with a smile that Suzy knows to be sincere. She couldn’t help but replay that smile a few more times that night as she lay awake next to a snoring Seunggi.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung slides into her DMs. Or rather, they slide into one another's DMs.

Jinyoung hesitated for a few moments before tapping that blue rectangle on his phone that spelled out “Follow.”  _ Screw it,  _ he thought to himself.  _ She followed him first, so it’s not weird. _ The first thing that he noticed when he clicked on her username was her profile picture. The photo was small but he could hear her open-mouthed laughter. It looked like she was at a beach somewhere. The latest post on her profile was a picture of her, her boyfriend, and a few other people he saw at the wedding last week. 

He paused for a second and considered not scrolling further. He’s not sure he wants to see more pictures of her and her boyfriend. But his own curiosity got the best of him and he did anyway. He saw more pictures of her and various people as well as pictures of her on her own - full of life and excitement. It’s truly a stark contrast to his own feed, which was mostly pictures of various places he has visited over the years. Maybe a few pictures of him and some close friends and family. But that’s it. 

It would be a lie to say that he was never curious about her and how she was doing. Jinyoung was never big on social media, so he never stalked her social media pages simply because he was rarely on it. He’d scroll through Instagram a few times a week while waiting in line but nothing more than that. His mom would occasionally mention her name while telling him about an event at church. He was glad to hear that she switched her major to Communications and that she emceed the church’s annual Thanksgiving bonanza. He heard from his mom when she moved to Redondo Beach for her job at a corporate communications firm and she lamented that the new emcee at the church event wasn’t as good as Suzy. So clearly, she was doing well and have found a career that could not be more perfect for someone as social as herself.

But when he finally got to talk to her at the wedding, he felt a familiarity that he didn’t expect to feel. In moments, it almost felt like they were back in high school. But then he’d look at her and see that she’s also not the same Bae Suzy that he knew, especially when he watched her interact with her boyfriend and their friends. She looked like a proper adult in her pretty wine-colored dress and strappy heels, Seunggi’s arms around her shoulders, laughing and dancing away. There’s an ease to her steps now that she didn’t have back then.

A few weeks later, Jinyoung was standing in line at a bodega and saw a poster for  _ Alien _ on the door headed to what looked like the bathroom. He couldn’t help but take a picture and post it on his Instagram story with a caption: “A completely unnecessary attempt to keep customers away from the bathroom.” He slid his phone back in his pocket and was a few blocks away from the law library when he saw that she had replied to his story.

> _ That is TERRIFYING! _
> 
> _ I’m never stepping into any bodegas in New York City. _

He stopped in his tracks for a moment and typed out a reply before he could stop himself.

_ Are you sure? It’s a cultural landmark. You don’t want to miss _

_ being yelled at by the grumpy cashier because you needed change. _

He saw the three dots appear and stayed rooted in his position until another message arrived.

> _ You’re doing a really good job of making NYC sounds like a blast. _
> 
> _ Please never ever let me go to NYC. _

He laughed and replied quickly before continuing on his way.

They continued to reply to one another’s Instagram Story with the occasional comments, which typically turns into a proper conversation about this and that. Like when Suzy posted a story of the cheese rolls at Porto’s, the Cuban bakery they both loved, it took Jinyoung no less than three seconds to type out a reply, demanding that she send it over to New York. Or when he posted a story of the Dear Evan Hansen playbill after he watched the show with a few friends, he found a message, in all-caps, expressing her jealousy followed by a row of the crying face emoji. She’d post stories that involved Seunggi as well but he never replied to those, tapping past it as quickly as he could.

At the weekly Screen Time report that his phone generated, he noticed the increase in Instagram usage. He considered that maybe they really should be adults and chat over iMessage instead of on Instagram DMs (he winced at the sound of this) like teenagers. But for some reason, he felt like using iMessage would mean that they’re crossing some proverbial line that they wouldn’t be able to undo. So he kept talking to her through Instagram and enjoying the feeling of having some part of his life return.

It was six months later when the thought of sending her a normal message (and not through Instagram) crossed his mind again. He’s noticed that there had been fewer and fewer posts about Seunggi in the last month. She usually posted a few Instagram Stories a day, chronicling what she was doing, but he’s noticed that she hadn’t been doing that. He chalked it up to just being busy - they are both adults after all. She’s working at a prestigious communications firm while he’s slaving away in the middle of his 2L. But then one day, he noticed that she’s deleted some pictures from her feed.

_ Could it be?  _ he wondered.

“What are you daydreaming about?” his roommate, Jaebum, snapped him out of his reverie. Jackson, his other roommate, had his head down on top of a thick textbook. The three of them were seated at their tiny dining room, paper, and books all over the floor. Law school is truly the opposite of fancy or cool.

Jinyoung sighed and explained his conundrum, trying his best to ignore the smile forming on Jaebum’s lips and Jackson who was suddenly awake and had a huge, shit-eating grin on his face. “So do you think that maybe…?” Jinyoung tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

“She’s definitely single,” Jackson answered, suddenly hyper-alert and awake. “Or at least, she’s not with that guy anymore,” Jaebum added.

_ Huh…  _ Jinyoung nodded.

“But that’s not even the most important question,” said Jackson, “The most important question is what you’re going to do about it.”

“Nothing,” Jinyoung replied, making Jackson groan in frustration.

This wasn’t entirely true. While he didn’t  _ do  _ anything, he was agonizing over it. He spent the next few days wondering if texting her to ask about it would make things awkward between them. Even though it had been six years since they broke up, he can’t say that they’re now completely 100% just friends because there’s always an undercurrent of something that neither of them is willing to explore further. At least, he’s not sure that he’s ready for that.

This particular conundrum, though, got solved a week later when he received a text message.

> _ Hey! I’ll be in town next week for work. _
> 
> _ Would love to meet and catch up over drinks if you’re free. _

He smiled. Leave it to Suzy to make the first move.  _ I bet she didn’t even agonize over the difference between iMessage and Instagram DMs,  _ he thought to himself. This was another stark contrast between them. Jinyoung always considers a thousand scenarios before doing anything, often overcomplicating the matter while Suzy was the one who’d just jump and do.

He typed out a reply and hesitated to hit SEND. It was a lack of honesty - hesitations to tell the truth in fear of hurting the other’s feelings that were the downfall of their relationship in high school. Jinyoung didn’t want to tell her that he needed to study for his Calculus II exam so he told her that he was busy helping his mom. She didn’t want to make him upset when he said that he couldn’t go to a party with her, so she just smiled wide and pretended everything was okay. This cycle kept repeating, getting uglier, and uglier each day until they reached a point where they knew that they were bad for one another. Needless to say, it was a mess and painful all around. So now, as his thumb hovered over the SEND button, he decided that he should probably just be honest instead of saying what he thinks she wants to hear or what he thinks he should.

_ I’m always free for you. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzy deals with a break up in the least healthy way possible.

Her relationship with Seunggi fell apart for no particular reason, it seems. They had been together for a year and she felt like he was still the person that she fell in love with until he wasn’t. They were introduced by a mutual friend at the end of her senior year in college and he was like a stable, dependable force in her life as she figured out her way into adulting. She often felt like she was too immature to be dating someone as established as him. After all, she was just fresh out of college while he was already running a few restaurants that he owns with his partners. And yet he still took care of her and stayed by her side until she got on her feet. But in the last few months of their relationship, he had grown distant. It was harder for them to meet and whenever they were physically together, his mind seemed to be a million miles away. After weeks of agony and pain, they finally had the talk and decided to end it. Suzy cried for weeks and cried even more when a picture appeared on his Instagram page a few weeks later. 

Work had been an incredible distraction. She dove headfirst into her job at the corporate communications firm. She eagerly took every meeting available and worked on every project that came her way. She came early and left late almost every single day, to the point where her supervisor told her that she needed to take the day off. It was partly why he sent her on this work trip to New York, making sure that they booked a few extra nights at the hotel even though there was only one meeting scheduled. “You’ve never been to New York, right? Go and sightsee. Relax,” he had told her and she didn’t bother correcting him. She’s worked herself to the bone and it was truly a miracle that she hasn’t gotten sick, so maybe a quick trip to the opposite coast would do her good. Besides, there’s someone she wouldn’t mind meeting again in New York.

Her heart had skipped a beat when she saw his message. In high school, he was always incredibly sweet - not in a cheesy way but in his very straightforward, straight-faced way, which left her to deal with the butterflies in her stomach. But now, she didn’t quite know what to make of it. So she just ignored it and told him when she was arriving and leaving.

She was walking through the seafoam green door when a text arrived on her phone.

> _ I’m at the back corner. _
> 
> _ Take your time. _

She looked up and easily spotted him among the crowd. He was the one smiling and waving her over. He wore what looked like a navy blue sweater - the one she’s always pictured New Yorker Jinyoung to wear in her head. This thought made her smile as sauntered over and gave him a quick hug before sitting down.

“How are you?” he began after the bartender placed their orders on the table. “Doing good,” she answered, not really sure how much of that answer is honest, “You know… busy with work as usual.”

He nodded carefully, his eyes on her in a way that makes her want to squirm. “How about you? How’s 2L life treating you?” she asked. He heaved a heavy sigh, “It’s a lot of work. You’re lucky I didn’t bring my book bag with me tonight. I was going to but my roommates said that I was crazy.”

“I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time you brought your homework to dinner,” the words came out before she could stop herself and for a second, she was transported back to Rancho Cucamonga where she sat at a diner with the same guy across from her, except he was wearing glasses and had an open textbook in front of him. She wondered if Jinyoung’s thinking of the same memory as he chuckled, “You’re right. An interesting date I was not.”

“You weren’t that bad. A bit boring, maybe,” she teased, “The periodic table song that you taught me? That was my party trick for a while.”

Jinyoung eyes widened in surprise, “Really?”

Suzy nodded, half shy and proud. She had the hardest time remembering the periodic table. They had just met at the time, not yet dating, and he was helping her with chemistry. She had seen the periodic table song online and asked if he would teach it to her, thinking that there was no way in hell that future-valedictorian, very serious Park Jinyoung would agree but he did. It was one of the first moments that made her fall in love with him - that silly side of him that he didn’t show to everyone but a select few.

“People assumed someone like me wouldn’t be able to, so it was nice to see them surprised,” she explained, trying to wince at the implication of her own words. Jinyoung’s expression turned serious, “People shouldn’t judge you by how you look.”

Suzy will readily admit that she was born with a pretty face - she’s forever grateful to her parents for that. But that means that people superficially judge her as the pretty, ditzy type upon first glance. And while she is clumsy, she’s worked hard to make sure that she’s got some brain too. While she didn’t graduate with a 4.0 GPA like she’s sure Jinyoung did, she was proud of her 3.65 because she’s worked incredibly hard for it.

So she shrugged, “But people do anyway. And it’s fine. I admit that my face has probably gotten me some privileges in life. You work with what you got. Not everyone is a genius like Park Jinyoung,” her tone was teasing, wanting to lighten up the mood but his face remained serious. His brows were furrowed for a few moments before he gulped down the rest of his drink.

“Not a genius outside of our little Rancho Cucamonga pond,” he shook his head a little sadly. “I don’t believe that for a second,” she replied immediately, “I bet if I asked you to show me your grades from last semester, it would be a straight As.”

Jinyoung’s lips curved into a small smile.

“See? You’re a genius everywhere you go and whatever you do, Park Jinyoung.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung loses out to a puppy and they make plans.

_ Not when it comes to you,  _ he said to himself as he stared at the woman in front of him.  _ How can this be so easy and so hard at the same time? _ he wondered.

They had been seated at this speakeasy for a total of 15 minutes and yet she’s able to make him feel the way he hasn’t felt in ages. Her words were never complicated but it always did the job. No one could make him feel so assured and yet so insecure all at the same time the way she could.

He’d been nervous about this evening, unsure of how things were going to do. But the moment he saw her walk through the door in her tan trench coat, jeans, and a floral top, the nerves were replaced by just… gladness. Her hair was still long and her lips are bright red in a way that he’s pretty sure would have driven him crazy back then like it did now. In other words, Bae Suzy is beautiful - always has and always will be.

He could picture himself as a stranger, seeing her for the first time, and they’d probably be appropriately speechless - he’s a little speechless himself when he saw her walk towards him with that big smile. But he’s had years of practice in dealing with the Bae Suzy charm so he’d like to think that he’s good at managing it until she did that thing where she says things lightly and easily but so much sincerity that it hits him like a ton of bricks. If anyone else were to tell him that he’s a genius, he would’ve cringed and maybe run away in embarrassment. But when she said it, he accepted it, believed it, embodied it. Like every fiber of his being needed the assurance and she was a tall drink of fresh spring water. And she doesn’t know the effect that she has on him. It was why she’s currently chatting animatedly about her neighbor’s new puppy that cuddled against her legs before she left for the airport, completely oblivious to how her words had affected him.

“I really considered not going to New York,” she continued, “He was snuggling against my legs. Curled up!”

Jinyoung laughed, “You mean to tell me that I almost lost to a puppy?”

“Of course. Always. No question,” she immediately answered.

He placed a hand over his chest dramatically, “Ouch.”

Their conversation continued on as they ordered a few more rounds of drinks. They talked about everything and nothing - just like they always do on Instagram and back in high school.

She was in the middle of telling him about how excited she was to go to visit a few famous bakeries tomorrow and to try to sneak into the theatre when she asked, “Do you want to come along? I bought the ticket last night and there were lots of seats left.”

Jinyoung said nothing, stunned by the question and also by how it made him feel. He wanted to so badly say yes to her offer, but he’s also not sure that he should be feeling this way. Besides, he has an important paper that he needs to finish in a few days and he’s far from done. For a moment, it felt like high school all over again.

“Unless you’re busy, in which case it’s okay,” she quickly added, “I’m sure you have a bazillion things to do.”

He tried to look for that hint of hurt in her voice. She was always like this in high school, trying to please him the way he tried to do the same for her. Oftentimes it involved her pretending to be okay with him not being able to go out with her. But this time, she sounded… fine.

“Okay I can you see overthinking and feeling bad,” her index finger was pointed at his forehead. With her other hand, she reached over and placed it over his, “It’s fine. Honestly,” her big brown eyes bore into his, “I’ve been exploring the city on my own since yesterday and it’s been great. So don’t worry about it. Okay?” she smiled.

Jinyoung nodded, “I have a paper due in a few days that I really need to finish,” he explained, “But I can meet you after the play? Or for breakfast the next day?” he tried to keep the hopefulness out of his voice because the truth is… he wanted nothing more than to spend time with her.

“We’ll work it out,” she smiled before letting out a small yawn. He glanced at his watch and was shocked to find that they had been sitting here for almost four hours. “I woke up super early this morning to go for a run in Central Park,” she began, “...and it was a horrible idea because running is the absolute worst and Central Park at this time of the year is FREEZING.”

He laughed at this. Suzy never liked running back in high school too.

Soon, they said their goodbyes with a quick hug and a promise to text each other tomorrow to make plans.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzy found herself in the exact same place as she was six years ago.

> _ Forecast says that the temp is supposed to warm up to 40 degrees. _
> 
> _ Just FYI - for your morning run. _

She chuckled at the message on her phone. She typed a quick reply before getting up and went about her day. She was just about to head out to the street to look for breakfast (she had found a famous bagel shop a few blocks away from her hotel) when she saw him standing on the sidewalk with a brown paper bag.

“Hey! Why didn’t you wait inside? Have you been here long?” she asked, unable to contain the smile from forming wide on her lips. Even though she had said that she’ll be fine on her own, the truth was that she wouldn’t mind his company. His specifically and perhaps no one else’s. So seeing him here felt like a dream come true. “Not long,” he shook his head. “What’s in that?” she gestured towards the brown bag on his hand. He reached in and pulled out an aluminum foil-wrapped sandwich and said proudly, “The best bagel in town with the works.”

“I was just about to look for breakfast!” she exclaimed, excited. “Let’s go to a cafe nearby and get something warm to drink while we eat this. Yeah?” he asked, sounding unsure. She nodded without a second thought and they made their way to the quaint cafe at the corner. “One hot Americano and…” he was about to say her usual order when she rattled off her own, “Soy vanilla sweet cream cold brew.” She could see the look of surprise on his face, “You drink coffee now?” She shrugged, “College.” He nodded in response.

They sat and enjoyed their breakfast and soon, their breakfast turned into Jinyoung showing her his favorite places in the city (it was a bookstore because  _ of course _ it was). Then he took her to a lunch spot not too far from his campus where she tried Ethiopian food for the first time (he looked very proud when she complimented his choice, surprised that he had chosen something so different, considering it was always her that dragged him to try new restaurants back in LA). The rest of the day was spent walking around different parts of the city, stopping by at Blue Bottle for Jinyoung’s favorite cup of coffee and Levain Bakery for her long-awaited chocolate chip cookies. Before she knew it, she found herself standing in front of a crowded theatre, not quite able to get herself to walk inside, “Thank you for today,” her smile was radiant - she couldn’t help it. This is probably the happiest that she’s felt in a long while. Around them, people were beginning to file into the theatre. The show was about to start any minute.

So she did what she wanted to do ever since she saw him this morning and leaned forward for a hug - a proper one. It’s amazing how her body instantly remembered this exact feeling - of wrapping her arms around his torso and having his arm encircled hers, his head resting above hers. She could feel the tears threatening to fall, so she closed her eyes, tightening her hold on him at the same time. When they pull apart, his hands stayed on arms, keeping her close. “I’ve missed you,” his voice was just above a whisper. She could see it in his eyes too - the same longing that she’s feeling.

She didn’t who leaned in first but the next thing she knew, they were kissing. It started out tender at first until it wasn’t. They were grasping for one another, pulling each other close, pouring all the things they’ve left unsaid into the kiss. When they pulled apart for air, the theatre door had closed and the crowd had largely dispersed. She saw his eyes alight with urgency, with need - something she’s sure he can see in her eyes too.

“What are we doing, Jinyoung-ah?” she reached up and traced her fingers on his eyebrows like she used to do in high school when he was solving a difficult math problem. She could see his brain moving to figure out a solution for this problem too - whatever is going on with them right now. But instead of answering, he sighed and placed his hand over hers, guiding it to his cheek. “I don’t know,” he answered, closing his eyes as he leaned on her hand. Tears were welling up in her eyes so she leaned forward, buried her head on his chest, and pulled her arms around his torso. At the feeling of his arms around hers again, she choked back a sob.

“You and Seunggi?” he murmured. “A few months ago. Three months,” she answered without looking up. She could feel him nod above her head.

“You?” she asked. She noticed that he hadn’t posted any pictures or any Instagram Stories that would indicate that he’s dating anyone. He was never the type to post on social media so she didn’t want to assume and she’d been afraid to ask - afraid of the answer and what it would do to her. But after what had just happened, what is happening, and what might happen next… she had to know. “Law school,” his voice was humorless even though she could hear him trying to laugh it off.

She pulled away and took a step back, immediately regretting the loss of his warmth. But she needed to do this. Back then, they would’ve just happily kissed, made out, and postpone all discussions. It was always easier that way; to have the make-up sex before the fight actually happens. But they’re no longer seventeen and as painful as it’s going to be, they had to do it. They had to talk and come to terms with what’s going on.

“I loved Seunggi,” she began. She noticed him wince at the word ‘loved’ but she kept going, “Oppa and I… we were good for each other until we weren’t anymore. Or at least, I wasn’t good enough for him. I have a job. A very demanding job. And… I…” her voice caught in her throat, “I don’t know if I can do this.” Her vision was blurry with tears and she quickly wiped her eyes with her hand. “You’re… you’re busy with your law school and I don’t… I don’t know if we can do this,” she continued, “Whatever this is,” her voice grew quiet. She couldn’t stop herself from crying anymore so she bowed her head, suddenly exhausted beyond belief.

Jinyoung reached for her hands and held it tight in his. “I don’t know whatever this is either,” his voice low, “I love every minute that I got to spend with you these last two days and I can’t lie, Suzy - I want more. More than two days with you.” He lifted her hands and gathered them in front of his chest, “But I know… I know what you mean and I know why. And I think… I think you’re right,” he squeezed her hands tighter, a bitter smile forming on his lips, “This isn’t the right time.”

For a moment, she felt like she was seventeen again, standing in front of his house in a teary mess, bumbling her way through her explanation of why they can’t be together now. That she was tired of changing herself to impress him, to be less of a social butterfly because she didn’t want to inconvenience him. That she knew that she had hurt him too because she could see him constantly torn between her and his own goals and priorities. That they had hurt each other by wanting to make each other happy but had inadvertently hurt themselves in the process. Back then, it was her that said that she loved him with all her heart but that now isn’t the right time for them to be together. And now…

“Here we are again,” she wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to muster a smile, “Same shit. Different year.”

He looked away, chuckling mournfully.

“Can we still be friends?” he asked a beat later.

She shook her head sadly, “I don’t know if I can handle that, Jinyoung-ah. You were never just a friend and I don’t think you will ever be.”

An hour later, Suzy found herself in the same place that she was six years ago: sobbing into her pillow over Park Jinyoung.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung reads a birthday card.

_ “Can we still be friends?” her voice was barely intelligible between her sobs. Jinyoung had never wanted to reach over and hug her more than he did at the moment. It physically hurt him to see her cry like this and it’s made even worse because he knew that he’s the cause of it. But she had been right. Their whirlwind of a high school romance had turned sour.  _

_ They were different people - it was what attracted him to her in the first place. She was the life of a party who seemed to know every single person who lives in the state of California while he was a private person who would only let down his guard in front of his closest friends. Suzy was the type who’d immediately tell you everything about herself upon first meeting and you would have a hard time not reciprocating because that’s just what she does - she makes you comfortable and she makes you… happy. She was this giant ray of sunshine in his rather dull and grey life and it was impossible for him not to fall in love with her. She made him laugh and smile in ways that no one else ever could. _

_ At the beginning of their relationship, it was exhilarating to be with someone who’d take him out to do things he’d never done before. She got him to try new food, go to new places, meet new people… and he’d like to think that he helped her settle down and focus on her studies. He remembered how he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her in front of his locker when she showed him her Physics quiz score - she had gotten an A for the first time and he couldn’t be prouder. _

_ He remembered trying really hard to make her happy by going out with her on these mini-adventures even though he spent half of the time worrying about how much later he was going to have to stay up to study tonight. On the occasions that he did tell her that he needed to study, it broke his heart to see the disappointment crossed her face before she nodded, smiled, and gave him a kiss. He also remembered her saying that she’d rather be with him in the library rather than the lantern festival that everyone was going to because he had to take the SATs the next day and really needed to study. He kept pushing it away, hoping that the guilt would disappear along with it but eventually, it was too much. _

_ So when she came over to his voice, eyes welling with tears, he knew that it was coming. They had just gotten into a fight because Jinyoung had turned off his phone for the evening because he needed to study and Suzy was at a friend’s party and had gotten a bit tipsy. He woke up to a dozen text messages and when half a dozen crying voicemails. He had immediately apologized, of course, but both he and Suzy knew that this was both of their faults. They were rarely honest with each other about their feelings and they were forcing each other to be happy when they weren’t. _

_ It still hurt though, to see her crying and bumbling her way to explaining her feelings - how she felt like she’ll never be good enough for him and that she’s a bad influence on him. How she loves him but she doesn’t think that this is the right time for them to be together. And how she wants to still be friends… _

_ “No,” Jinyoung croaked, shaking his head. _

_ She nodded, eyes closed and cheeks soaked with tears. “Good luck with everything. You’ll get into Harvard, don’t worry,” were her last words before she walked away. _

***

Jinyoung opened his eyes, startled.  _ God-fucking-damnit,  _ he cursed, staring at the ceiling.

It had been a year since that night where he said goodbye to Suzy for the second time. He came back to his apartment, looking sour and badly needing to drink. So Jackson and Jaebum did their best to keep up with him until eventually, they sat him down to ask what’s going on. He was reluctant to say - how pathetic is it for him to be heartbroken over a girl he wasn’t even dating? A girl he had only spent two days with? But they had been understanding and supportive. They didn’t stop him when he went ham on his studies, volunteering to organize way too many events for the school, and only being home to sleep for a few hours before he was out. They knew that he needed it - he needed a distraction from himself, from his heart.

It was only when he introduced them to Shin Yeeun, an undergrad pre-law student that met at the law library, that they finally said something. “She seems really nice,” Yeeun had excused herself to go to the bathroom when Jaebum said that and Jinyoung agreed. They had gone on two coffee dates and she had been lovely. She was funny, bright, and was just as driven as Jinyoung in her studies. She wanted to be a supreme court judge and her passion was inspiring to see.

So they continued to go on a few more dates until he decided to ask her to be his girlfriend and at that time, he finally felt like he was ready for it. He was truly, genuinely happy with Yeeun who had filled his days with coffee dates and study sessions. They understood each other’s worlds and it made things… easy. 

“Was Harvard your first choice?” she asked him last night when she was helping him unpack his things. He finally moved out to his own place. He was now in his last year of 3L and was on the verge of graduation. He’s interning at a prestigious law firm in Manhattan and they had already offered him a position. With the extra money that he’s getting from the internship, he was glad to finally be able to have his own place. He loves Jaebum and Jackson, but Jinyoung just needs his own space.

“It was. I even applied. Ridiculous, right?” he chuckled. When he walked past Yeeun, he saw her hold a card that he hadn’t seen in a long long while. He can’t remember the exact content in the card but he could recall the day he received it. It was the first birthday they celebrated together as a couple - they were high school sophomores. She had planned a whole series of surprises for him, starting from a note in his car and ending with a party with all of his closest friends and family. Bae Suzy was a master at throwing parties, even at sixteen. Later that night, he found that card by his bedside table and remembered thinking about how lucky he was to have a girlfriend like her.

“Did you get in?” she asked after a few moments of silence. “I didn’t,” he answered. He had been disappointed - very disappointed. He had the grades, the near-perfect SAT scores, the extracurricular activities, the internships, the recommendations, the alumni connections - everything. Coupled with the fact that his senior year was a rough one in general, not getting into his dream school felt like the nail in the coffin. He had applied to Stanford and had been accepted there too, but he wanted to get away from California - from Suzy - so he went for Columbia instead. 

“Well… I’m glad you didn’t get in,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him, placing her head on his back, “We wouldn’t have met otherwise, right?” her voice sounded bright, making him think that whatever was in that letter must not have been too bad for her to not be affected by it. He squeezed her arms that were wrapped around his stomach affectionately before continuing to unpack his cutlery.

A few hours and a dozen boxes later, he was about to turn off the lights and head to bed when he saw the card on his bookshelf and hesitated for a second before opening it.

> _ Happiest of birthdays, my darling boyfriend Park Jinyoung... _
> 
> _ I hope today has helped you realize how much you mean to me and to everyone else around you. _
> 
> _ You’re my favorite person and the best that I have ever known. _
> 
> _ I know parties are not your favorite so thank you for letting me celebrate you in the way that you deserve. _
> 
> _ Love, _
> 
> _ Suzy _

Underneath there was a short little illustration of him with a Harvard written on his t-shirt holding hands with Suzy who was wearing a t-shirt with a big question mark on it. Reading the card stirred something in his chest but he quickly tamped it down, shoving the card in between his books and headed to bed.

Now, he’s staring at his ceiling, his mind filled with that painful memory of the first break up that really counted. He had contemplated on messaging her last year after they parted ways in front of the theatre. There were so many feelings on the line that they had bared that night and it wasn’t like he could just turn it off the moment he walked away. He waited two weeks before he unfollowed her on Instagram and he noticed that she did the same shortly after. It hurt, but he knew that it was for the best. Besides, he was with Yeeun now - sweet, kind, charming, and understanding Yeeun and he intends to give her the best that he could offer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzy uproots her life and move.

They say that the moment you turn 25 is when you start to settle into who you are as a person, whatever that means. But instead of settling down, at 25, Suzy found herself moving across the country to a new city.

Two things crossed her mind when her boss told her that she was being relocated to the New York office: (1) all the winter coats she’ll be able to finally wear and (2) Park Jinyoung. She chose to focus on the first and dove headfirst into the preparation for her move. The last six months of living in LA was spent packing and spending as much as she could with her friends and family that she didn’t give herself room to think about that second thing. She couldn’t. Not after how they parted that night. Not right now at least.

Suzy has to admit that this move is terrifying for her. She had always loved adventure like trying new food and traveling to new places, but she kept her home the same sunny California because she needed that anchor to ground her as she waded through the world of adulthood. Instead of going out of state, she chose to just go to UCLA (and was thankfully accepted) because going to college in itself is enough of an adventure. She needed  _ some  _ familiarity in her life to balance everything out. So the idea of moving across the country to New York was both exciting and terrifying, but deep down, she knew she was ready. She had to be. And what better way to be ready than just do it, right?

“That logic is all kinds of faulty but I am all for you moving here to be closer to me,” Jieun said after she got the news. “Yes, I’m moving to New York to definitely be closer to you,” Suzy played along, mentally adding Jieun to the list of things to be excited about. “You’ll be closer to someone else too…” Jieun’s voice was teasing but careful. She has had a front-row seat to the whole Suzy x Jinyoung saga for the last decade and she was the receiving end of many many teary phone calls from Suzy two years ago. “Yeah no. Not gonna think about that,” Suzy shook her head, determined, before changing the subject to the merits of each borough and which one she should live in.

Now, at 25, instead of settling down, she found herself seated on a sectional creme couch that was perhaps way too big for the size of her living room. She had spent the whole day doing the last bits of moving in and organizing, and her apartment is now finally exactly the way she wants it to be. Jieun had just left an hour ago after helping her put the finishing touches on her small kitchen and now Suzy is left alone in her new apartment.  _ I can’t believe I’m in New York,  _ she thought to herself for the umpteenth time. 

A few weeks later, Suzy found herself settling into a new routine. She’d grab a cup of coffee from a place near her apartment and take the M and F train to her office. The route is inconvenient and it would be much faster for her to drive, but she was used to long commutes. Besides, the thirty-minute ride was perfect for her to get caught up on her podcasts. Because her position is the same as it was in LA, she focused her time getting to know the team in New York. Everyone had been nice and while there were some difficult ones, she’s been able to find friends among her new colleagues. When it comes to her personal life, there isn’t much development. After she and Seunggi broke up, she hadn’t dated anyone seriously. She’d been focused on her job and on enjoying her life in LA. There had been Anthony, a Seoul-based photographer who came close, but it didn’t feel quite right.

And of course, there’s Park Jinyoung.

She’d contemplated giving him a call many many times over the last few months. But after the way things ended with them that night, her clearly saying that they could never be friends, she’s not sure that she has the right to reach out to him. Last Thanksgiving, when she had gone home to Rancho Cucamonga, she heard from his mom that he was dating a nice girl, which stung but she quickly did her best to push it away. He deserved to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. 

She kept wondering if she’ll ever run into him on the streets like they do in those movies - where they’d lock eyes as they pass one another or as they stood on opposite sides of the street. It certainly didn’t help the city reminds her of him. But she fought the urge and chose to focus on her work until one afternoon, a text message arrived…

_ What happened to never stepping foot in a bodega? _


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I wrote for this series. I might come back and write more about what happened after this chapter but I can't promise anything.
> 
> This story began as a way to scratch an itch after listening to NIKI's La La Lost You one too many times and it evolved into something entirely different.
> 
> Thank you for sticking with it until the end. I hope you enjoyed the story.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” was the first thing that came out of Jinyoung’s mouth when they met again. “How did you know?” she asked, her hand hugging the steaming mug of coffee in front of her, “Was it Jieun?” she eyed him sharply. He considered denying it just as Jieun asked him to, but he decided against it and nodded.

“So did you get a new job?” he asked, curious. Jieun had not provided any information aside from that Bae Suzy is now a resident of Williamsburg and he had been dying to know more. “I got relocated. The boss wants to expand the New York office, so here I am,” she explained.

“How has it been so far?” he asked. “It’s been good. Definitely loving the fact that there is more than one season,” she answered and began to tell him about her job and how she’s getting used to the sound of the city at night. She told him about how much she misses driving and he made a mental note to rent a car and take her upstate. He could tell that she was happy and thrilled to be here and he couldn’t help but feel the same way. “Though I’m upset that neither you and Jieun ever talked about how big the rats are here in New York though. I was not prepared for that!” she shuddered. “The roaches too!” she sighed.

Her honest-to-goodness distraught expression made him laugh. She was still the same expressive and lively Bae Suzy that he knew, but more beautiful. Her hair was long, lightly curled in a pretty way that he can’t quite explain. Her eyes still had the same brightness that shone through, even as she was looking down at her cup of coffee, carefully sipping bit by bit. “That’s just a part of being a New Yorker,” he answered, laughing at her dramatic sigh.

“Are you…” he hesitated for a moment, “Are you seeing anyone?”

She shook her head, “I haven’t dated anyone serious for a while now. Maybe for two years? I went on a few dates here and there but none ever felt right.”

He nodded, taking a bite of the lemon bar.

“How about you? Your mom told me you’re dating someone,” she asked.

Now it was his turn to shake his head, “We broke up over Christmas.”

He could see her wince for a split second.

“Yikes. I’m sorry to hear that,” she said.

He waved her off, “Don’t be.” He could vaguely recall the conversation in which Yeeun told him that she didn’t want to be tied down to someone who didn’t love her. He probably did love her but he couldn’t be sure, and he’d rather not say something that’s not 100% truthful. And when he said nothing in response, she went on to say how she deserved to be number one. So they broke up on December 25th and in the nine months since then, he hadn’t thought about Yeeun as much as he expected he would.

“Alright. Well, tell me about you. How’s life as a corporate lawyer?” she asked.

He went on to tell her about the firm he’s working at and she must’ve recognized the name because her eyes widened for a moment before nodding in approval. He told her how he has his own place, not far from his office, which was good and bad since it sometimes feels like he never left his office. He told her about Jackson, his former roommate who was now a lawyer for the NFL, and that Wonpil, their high school friend, was now living in New Jersey.

“Speaking of which, Wonpil’s band is performing tomorrow night. Do you want to come?” he asked, “You could invite Jieun along.”

She nodded excitedly, “I would love to! I’ll ask Jieun. I’m sure she’ll be shocked to find out that shy, bookworm Wonpil is now in a band,” she chuckled before ordering another slice of lemon bar and automatically pushing it to the center of the table the way she used to do in high school, a way of letting him know that it was his to enjoy too.

When they were standing outside of the coffee shop and were about to say goodbye, Jinyoung hesitated for a moment before he asked, “Can I get a hug?”

He could see her stiffen for a moment before she smiled as she stepped forward and put her arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, breathing in her familiar scent (he made a mental note to ask about her perfume since he’s pretty sure it’s the same one she’s used since high school).

They stayed like this for a while before he heard her mumble, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” he answered easily.

“I know…” her voice sounded shaky, “I know you said you broke up with her but… but are you seeing anyone now?”

“Nora,” he could feel her begin to pull away and quickly added, “Jaebum’s cat. Nora is Jaebum’s cat that I’m cat-sitting while he’s away for a year.”

She pinched his waist and he let out a yelp, unable to contain the smile on his lips, before pulling her tighter towards him. “You’re mean,” she mumbled.

He patted her head lovingly. "I've missed you.." he whispered.

He could feel her tighten her hold on him, "I've missed you too. You have no idea how much I've wanted to call you in the last two years..." she said.

"27 months," he corrected.

"What?" she looked up briefly, puzzled.

"It's been 27 months and 10 days since we last spoke," he explained.

She shifted so that her forehead was leaning against his chest and sighed, "I'm sorry..."

"It was for the best," Jinyoung said, "We weren't ready then." He let the implication linger in the air, letting the hope linger between them. For now, Jinyoung chose to silently marvel at the fact that it felt the same. Having her in his arms felt the same ten years ago as it did now.

It felt like home.


End file.
